Roberto parla Italiano

Chapter 1

Bob's interest in Italian, contrary to rumor, did not begin with an Italian supermodel. It started with ice cream. It was the summer of 2003 and we were somewhere in Italy. Bob was ordering gelato and became frustrated that he knew exactly two phrases in Italian: "Mi chiamo Roberto," and "Gelato mi piace." ("My name is Bob," and "I like ice cream.") So he used his creative mind and limited knowledge to fashion a new saying, "Mi chiamo gelato." This soon ballooned into "Mi chiamo cinque gelati," ("My name is five ice creams.") but for the next five years, his Italian knowledge stagnated, much to the annoyance of friends and family who wished that he'd learn to say something new. Bob really, really likes repetition.

Chapter 2

Sometime last August, Bob felt that it was time to take on a new challenge. He wondered at the fact that he lived in a city where most people were bilingual and some spoke many languages, yet he remained monolingual despite some high school and college Latin. It was time to acquire a new language. But which one? Having the Latin base meant that Romance languages would be his best bet. There were some distinct advantages to not learning Spanish, as he would probably only understand more of the swearing going on in our neighborhood, and French was just too hard to pronounce. But Italian--ah, there was a language of simple beauty and phonetic integrity! And they had that nice landscape, legendary art, and good food and wine. And he already knew three whole sentences of it. And, what do you know, we just happened to have an Italian Rosetta Stone CD lying around. (I'm afraid we have more than one Rosetta Stone set lying around. Our apartment is a virtual Rosetta Stone graveyard.)

So, he popped in the CD and got started. One thing to know about Bob is that he is very goal-oriented. Once he starts something, he lays out a schedule and works diligently, whatever anyone else is doing, and wherever we go. He started a study notebook, bought a dictionary and grammar book (or had me buy them) and set himself a goal of four lessons per week. He did the computer program on nights and weekends, and studied the curriculum text on the subway going to and from work. On Mondays, he asked a Venetian co-worker to help him with the weekend's idiomatic phrases and other confusions. On Wednesday nights, he had me quiz him at dinner. (I have a very elementary understanding of Italian.)

But perhaps most memorably for all involved, there was always an Italian phrase of the week. One early example was "Il cavallo sta mangiando una carota blu." ("The horse is eating a blue carrot." When in doubt, be silly!) And then there was the week he memorized the familiar notice on our local subway train: "Dovete trovarvi in uno dei cinque vagoni di testa per poter scendere alla stazione di South Ferry. Grazie." ("You must be in one of the first five cars if you want to get off at the South Ferry Station. Thank you." It's given in six languages.)

Slowly, the Italian began to stick. In December, I realized that he was going to finish the program soon, and I ordered him levels 1-3 in the new Rosetta Stone version for Christmas. (Unfortunately for continuity's sake, the program was completely reworked. As the sales rep put it, "We found out that people don't want to learn about boys standing on picnic tables or under them." But it was actually cheaper to get three levels than two.)

This week, Bob clicked on the last screen in Unit 8, Lesson 12, thus completing Level 1. Unfortunately, in his days of sometimes maddening perseverance, his daughter has run screaming from the room more than once, and his co-worker has quit helping him altogether. But recently when he popped his head in her office and asked, "Chi sta sentendo piu freddo di tutti?" ("Who is feeling the coldest of all?" which was a phrase of the week in early January) she forgot that he was speaking Italian and answered absent-mindedly, "Chi?"

Complain as we might about sheer repetition, success is when you forget that someone is learning a language, and you actually begin to speak it with them.

I don't know what Chapter 3 holds. Let's hope it includes a nice vacation in Tuscany, with five ice creams for all.

But for now, we're going to begin with a celebratory spaghetti dinner.