I do see Ms. Chua's point that "nothing is fun until you're good at it."I was thinking about this sentence from my last post this morning, and I realize that it's not quite true. Or at least, you don't have to be the "best," or even all that good, at something to enjoy it. You just have to have a little bit of success.
Why did I think of this? Because I realized the example I was thinking of when I wrote my post was skiing. And I'm not a good skier; I simply have enough experience now to enjoy it. It's nice not to get so nervous anymore when I start down a trail, but no one had to override my preferences to get me started learning to ski. Likewise with many of my academic activities when I was young. Who starts out as a good reader, or a good beginning Italian speaker? Sometimes you are inspired and you want to do something badly enough to keep going even if it's not easy. CZ was like that with violin.
I suppose the type of "fun" you got out of an activity might change as one got better and better at it, so that there was more subtlety to it, but still, you can enjoy things that you're not very good at, as long as you have a humble, realistic assessment of your abilities.
See, this is why I don't think I should post "opinion" type pieces when I don't have time to think them through. Sometimes they're not quite done!
9 comments:
Hey, Laura ~ you're a girl. That means you're allowed to change your mind :-)
Actually, I dont see that you're changing your position anywho.... just giving us clarifiction.
Somewhere between the Eastern and Western parenting techniques there is a happy medium.
And if I'd realized that Esolen's book was one classified as *parenting* I may not have jumped on board.
Sharing those ideas is a fast way to loose friends, right?
PS Have you had a chance to see the new movie, The King's Speech?
There is one scene which depicts Albert *encouraging* Bertie who's practicing. It made me cringe.
And if I may be so bold, here's a link ;-)
http://hiddenart.xanga.com/738646607/the-kings-speech/
I hadn't really thought about this, just skipped over your mention of the idea in your previous post, so I'm glad you went back to reexamine it. For me, it really is the process of learning that is fun, so that having a goal, such as to be the winner of a competition or to do well on a test, takes the enjoyment out of the activity itself and makes it harder for me to "perform."
We can see many examples of people having fun before they are "good" at whatever it is. I think it must have something to do with being made in God's image and having at least remnants of that creativity and pleasure in the creation.
Pete Wernick's jam classes require only that students be able to change smoothly between G, C, D, and A. He teaches them them how to play songs in a small group. Many of them like it enough to work incrementally at improving their skills, so they can enjoy themselves even more. Others are happy just to be playing music with others, and don't worry about improving.
Because the emphasis is enjoying a group activity (rather than, say, impressing others with your prowess) people tend to enjoy themselves no matter what mixture of skills exists in the group.
I'm in a differently tweaked discussion of this subject over at Back Bay View:
http://backbayview.blogspot.com/2011/01/chinese-mothers.html
Libby has way too many Asian friends at school who are miserable--one is even suicidal over his career--that I could not enjoy this article. I way prefer Esolen's view of childhood. ;) I wonder how one learns to "play with feeling" when one never experiences rocks and trees and getting muddy, and taking a shortcut home that turns out to be a bad idea, and all that sort of thing.
Well thought and well said. As a jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none sort of person, I heartily concur.
What a nice varied and substantive group of comments!
Dana, I understand your hesitance to talk about parenting. That’s why I wrote the caveat, both because I just like to be as on target as possible, and because I would hate to unintentionally cause anyone worry. I think about this subject a lot, for some reason!
I haven't seen The King's Speech, but I did have a look at your blog, and it looks interesting! A friend is going to see it today.
GretchenJoanna, I just like the way you think!
Also, I followed your link below, and read all the comments. I liked the linked post from Shanghai Scrap so much that I put it on my bookmarks (at right). What Shanghai Scrap said was what I had felt must be true, too. The restaurant scene he quoted from was moving, in a very uncomfortable way.
Rick, CZ did something very like what you described over Christmas, with some cousins and their guitars. She's also done some improvisation workshops on violin, which tend to be very spontaneous. These activities probably don't move her in quite the same way that her favorite classical endeavors do, but she does enjoy them. But then, perhaps that's a different situation, because she already has a lot of musical skill.
I think the real key has to be letting go of your self-consciousness and need to be "the best" and just playing around, realizing that there are many ways to be excellent. And I think the most musical performers must preserve some of that, no matter how "good" they get.
MacBeth, because we’re both involved with conservatories, I’m sure we see a lot of the same kinds of situations, and I think that’s why I find this topic so fascinating. I always wonder how it all ends up for kids who are given so much extrinsic motivation, though I’m sure it varies. Parenting is always so much more than simply “I subscribe to this philosophy.” You have to see how it works on a daily basis in each family.
Melissa, I think most mothers are jacks-of-all-trades! It’s got to be part of the job description. I *used* to have a strong skill, painting, but I’ve been neglecting it for a number of years now. For some reason that I can't figure out, that doesn't bother me at all!
I agree that it takes at least nominal competence to like something; feeling like a total klutz or idiot isn't conducive to wanting to continue. On the other hand, one doesn't ever get to nominal competence by quitting. Hence our family motto: practice makes progress.
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